Humility in Unknown Possibility | Blog

“You are the light, it’s not on you, it’s in you. Don’t you ever in your motherfucking life dim your light for nobody” -St. Chroma By Tyler the Creator #preservation #peace #hope #light

The above quote is from the song I am listening to while curating this blog post from a completely new level. I have discovered and unlocked my new age, and new purpose. I’m on my way to my most enlightened self. Coming out of the darkest, hardest year, I am discovering what was waiting for me on the other side. I’m sure dear reader, this is not what you were expecting to read from me post-election, but here I am. Let me share or recap how we got here. 

Please feel free to go back to my previous couple of posts, but essentially I quit, I sat, I healed. Since July 7th I have been more committed than ever to healing my somatic nervous system and minding my business. In August I sustained an injury that laid me up for six weeks. So, all the stuff I had wanted to do, canvass for the election, speak at an event, and more, got canceled to make room for healing. I have never been more committed to preserving myself, and well, I am so glad I have prioritized myself. 

October was an insane month, full of emotion, sicknesses, my son’s surgery, the one year of the genocide in Gaza, and one year since I was targeted after doing advocacy work. And well, I’m so happy to report I felt safe enough in my somatic nervous system to feel it all. I made room for the grief, sadness, exhaustion, joy, and happiness. I leaned into my community for support and was reminded of how my family and friends come through for me. I prioritized myself as I have been doing these past months, and here we are. 

November arrived, election day came and went, and I feel stronger than ever. I’m being consistent, eating my meals, going to the gym, and attempting to ground myself and be patient and present. I’m reminding myself in moments of anxiety and doubt that the trees are rooted, planted and not going anywhere. The trees will still be here tomorrow, and they will still bloom in spring. The election confirmed for me that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. For the first time in months, I feel no shame for what I have chosen. I feel instead overwhelmingly called to my new way of being.  

To my beautiful Black women, leave the room. This is most definitely my mandate. To leave the room. I will prioritize my healing and peace. I will protect my energy, labor, talents, and knowledge. If it’s not a paid gig, I’m most likely saying no. Because Black women, we need to enter into our self-preservation era. We need to lean into the collective community of family and friends, and we need to most importantly prioritize ourselves. Why? Because this is a marathon, not a sprint. 

White folks, y’all still got a lot of work to do amongst yourselves. And I think you are way too okay with asking black folk to do the labor, that you should be doing. Why do I need to speak on reparations when yall hold the wealth that should be redistributed? I’m leaving the room. Because I no longer need that external validation, I no longer need to prove my worth. I know what I am worthy of, I know my value, and I know I am deserving of the radical healing and self-preservation my ancestors only wished for. 

Mind you, this era will not last forever, but it is my preparation for the marathon ahead. Think of it as training. You’d never run a marathon without training. I am training myself to have boundaries and emotional intelligence. I am working on my compassion, my heart, and my intimacy while also figuring out how to be assertive and steady. I am working to be unbothered by the petty. This election, for me, was a blessing, a confirmation of my gut knowing this was not the time, and that there was much more suffering ahead and therefore I must prepare for the worst and prepare for the revolution ahead. 

I promise dear reader, I will not lose my dreams, I will not get lost in sauce, but stay focused. Because I will not be away forever. Haha, the world won’t be ready for me when I break out of this cocoon. The wings will be large, the colors will be bright, and the light will blind.